so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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