I skipped work to stalk him.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
