My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
