I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
don't judge my taste in strippers
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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