So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
