Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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