how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
