I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
