what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
