Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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