if only i could text you this smell
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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