Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
