what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
