the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
