well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
