Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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