He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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