Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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