Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
