Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
