There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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