I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
