so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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