I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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