im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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