how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
