Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
