so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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