I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
