I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
