Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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