here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
