Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
