like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
