just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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