you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We need to rekindle our bromance
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
