Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
