I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
