he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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