Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
