oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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