talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
