google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
