are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
