That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
