she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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