I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
