Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
