chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
