how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
