i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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