I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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