i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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