Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
