I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
