What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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