Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
