we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
