it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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