C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
