i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My cat gives me a boner
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
