I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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