She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
