she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
