Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
