OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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