I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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