Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
