Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
