i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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