doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
