Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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