Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
