Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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