she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
