WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
