I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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